If you see yourself in this list, please seek help immediately. It may already be too late!!
15. You find yourself saying, "Welcome to Curtis Wells," and you live in Topeka.
14. You wear chaps and spurs to your office on Wall Street.
13. You surprise the meter maid as she's about to leave a parking ticket on your windshield, and you hear yourself saying, "Are you ready to die? Are you ready to die?"
12. You've replaced the living room sofa with a wooden bench.
11. You don't feel dressed without your whalebone corset.
10. You speak with a Southern drawl or a Texas twang, and you're not Southern or Texan.
9. You're planning to spend your next family vacation in Curtis Wells, Montana ... wherever the heck that is.
8. You do your Doctoral Thesis on the Properties Of Mud.
7. You turn your husband's favorite hunting rifle into a sawed-off.
6. You keep asking your husband where the Hell Bitch is, and he thinks you're talking about his ex-wife.
5. People tell you to stop saying, "That so?" whenever they tell you something.
4. You stop bathing and tell your co-workers, "A man's grime is a personal thing," when they complain about your lack of hygiene.
3. You think being a "Call" Girl is a good thing.
2. You divorce your husband, Bob, and call your second husband, Unbob.
And the #1 way you can tell that you're addicted to Lonesome Dove:
1. In case of fire, you're planning to grab your Lonesome Dove DVDs first!!
8/2001
