Once upon a time, a long, long ago, on the edge of a deep, dark forest somewhere in Montana, there lived a sweet young thing named Darcie. She lived with her mother and father, and they loved her very much. And Darcie was quite fond of them as well.
One day when Darcie was idly sitting on a bench outside their cottage, her mother called her into the house and gave her a very important job to do.
"Here," she said, handing Darcie a big wicker basket, "I need you to take this to your grandmother who lives on the other side of the deep, dark forest. She is quite ill, you know, and she will appreciate some of the biscuits you made, and also these eggs from our chickens. I believe she has a frying pan to cook them up in."
The young girl was glad to oblige, for she loved her grandmother who lived on the other side of the forest. (Did I mention that it was deep and dark?) Her big blue eyes were wide with wonder, for she had never been entrusted with such an important task before. She took the basket from her mother and started for the door with it.
"Wait!" said her mother. "Don't forget to wear your beautiful, embroidered leather vest that your Grandmother made for you. Here, I'll help you put it on. And remember, Darcie, never, under any circumstances, speak to any strange men."
Darcie assured her mother that she would not, and wearing the beautiful vest, the sweet young thing started into the forest with the basket of goodies on her arm. She skipped happily along the path, humming a little ditty from Madame Butterfly. For you see, she was also quite fond of opera. But I digress . . .
Soon the path grew dark, and she could no longer see the sun. A cold wind began to blow, and Darcie pulled her vest tighter about her and continued on her way, determined to make it to Grandma's house, come hell or high water.
All of a sudden, a dark and formidable character stepped out from behind a tree, blocking her way and frightening the young girl half to death. She nearly dropped her basket of goodies!
"Why, hello, my dear, have I frightened you? I assure you, that was not my intent. Why, no indeed."
The creature was wearing a long leather duster and fine leather boots. Darcie thought he looked quite dandified. He leaned insolently against the tree trunk.
"My dear, what have you got in that basket?"
Darcie promptly forgot her mother's admonition never to talk to strange men. "Don't know. Can't say," she answered him as she attempted to brush past him and continue on her way.
The dandified creature grabbed her sleeve to stop her. "Come, come now, my dear. You're in an awful hurry. There must be somethin' important in there. Let's have a look-see. Hmmmm?"
Darcie, who couldn't abide anyone grabbing hold of her garments, ripped her arm free and glared at him. "My grandmother's sick, and she needs these biscuits and eggs. Get outta my way. Now git!" And with that, she stepped around the hairy stranger and continued on her way.
With leonine grace, the creature ran to catch up to her and said, his voice close to her ear, "I think I'll just go along with you to Grandma's place. Just to be sure you arrive safely, you understand."
Being highly suspicious by Call-Girl nature, Darcie doubted that his motives were pure. "Quick! Look behind you!" she cried out, and when he did, she ran away as fast as she could.
As the creature watched her go, his amber eyes narrowed in anticipation. He rubbed his lower lip thoughtfully and grinned. Then he took off in the opposite direction.
Darcie wasted no time in getting to her destination. She knocked at the door of Grandma's house, but there was no reply. What if Grandmother was too sick to answer? Darcie turned the handle and stepped inside.
But what was this? Grandma looked better than she had in years! She wore a fetching lace cap and lay in her bed with her fine silk sheets pulled up to her chin. "Come in, my dear," she greeted the girl in honeyed tones.
Something didn't seem quite right, but Darcie stepped over to her bedside anyway.
"Grandmother, what large amber-colored eyes you have," she said, her blue eyes wide in consternation.
"Why, the better to see you with, my dear," Grandma said.
"Grandmother, what a big nose you have."
"Why, the better to smell all those goodies you brought me, my dear. Let's have a look in that basket. Shall we? Hmmmm?" she said, licking her chops er, lips.
"Grandmother, what huge teeth you have!"
"Why, the better to eat said goodies with, my dear. Bring them over here to me. And while you're at it, climb on into bed with me. Why, you look half-frozen."
Grandma pushed back the covers and patted the spot beside her in the bed, and Darcie crawled under the covers with her. Grandma put her arm around Darcie.
Taking a closer look, Darcie suddenly realized that this wasn't Grandma. This was the creature from the forest! She wasn't all that surprised, really. She was a sharp cookie, after all, and that facial hair HAD been a bit tough to explain. She struggled to get away, but the creature held her fast. It was anybody's guess what would happen next. Oh, who would save her?
Just then, the door flew open with a resounding crash, and a grimy young cowboy strode into the room. (He glowed with an unearthly brilliance, but that's another story. <g>) He grabbed Grandma's skillet off the stove.
"Nice hat, Mosby, now, get your paws off the girl," the cowboy said. He advanced on the creature, brandishing the skillet. "Now, how'd you say you liked your eggs?"
Darcie jumped off the bed, and ran to hide behind the dusty cowboy.
"Now, Call, it's not what it looks like," Mosby said, as he pulled the lace cap off his head and replaced it with his own black number. "The girl's cold; I was merely tryin' to warm her up."
"That so? That's typical of you, ain't it, Mosby?"
The two men faced each other down, each one thinking about his big gun.
Just then, Granny, who was feeling much better, and had been out for her daily constitutional with Snow White, waved goodbye to Snow and came tripping through the doorway.
Catching sight of the beautiful princess through the window, Mosby got a wicked gleam in his eye. He started for the door. "This matter is far from over," he growled as he left them.
Darcie breathed a sigh of relief at the wolf's, er Mosby's departure. "Oh, Call," she said, looking up at her hero with love shining in her eyes, "I'm afraid he was plannin' to defile me, the beast."
"Yep, he was after your goodies, all right," Call observed dryly. "Mosby's under a spell. He must find true love before his 35th birthday, or he's doomed to remain a beast forever."
"Oh, poor Mosby!" Darcie exclaimed in pity. "The poor, poor man. Well, that explains the snout."
Call snorted derisively and went to cook their eggs. Then the three of them sat down to a lovely breakfast together, the first of many for Darcie and her man.
~~~
And did Mosby ever find true love? Well, as any good Mosby Gal will tell you, if things don't work out with Snow White, there are a number of women on the Lonesome Dove List who'd be willing to take him on. I think the Mose is gonna be all right.
The End
10/2002
