Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom named Curtis Wells, Montana, there lived a tall, dark, & handsome prince named Austin Peale. And although Austin looked normal enough, inside his manly chest beat a heart as cold as ice. You see, he hadn’t had enough love and attention from his father, King Josiah, while he was growing up, and it had warped the man.
As if things weren’t bad enough already, one day Prince Austin had the misfortune to cross a wicked, though beautiful witch named Amanda. The details of the affair are quite sketchy, something to do with Austin walking in on Amanda in the bath and making some rather lewd comments, I guess. Now, Amanda was not at all amused. In fact, the wicked witch, Amanda, was P.O.ed!
Anyways, to punish him, Amanda turned Austin into a bona fide scum-sucking weasel. That evil witch! She told Austin that if he ever hoped to break the curse, he had better learn to practice kindness, consideration, caring, compassion, & self-control. And someone would have to learn to love him just as he was – or he would be loathed by everyone on the Lonesome Dove List forever! Oh dear! Poor Prince Austin. His future looked grim indeed, for who could ever learn to love a scum-sucking weasel?
I’m about to answer that question.
As luck would have it, one day a beautiful young thing stepped out of a stagecoach in the kingdom of Curtis Wells, Montana. The beautiful young thing’s name was Sara. Now, Sara was a student at the University of Virginia, and she had come to Curtis Wells to do research for her Doctrinal Thesis – the title of which was: The Properties of Mud and its Affects on the Citizens of Small Montana Towns. Well, everyone said that Curtis Wells was the muddiest small town in Montana, so here she was.
Once Sara got settled in the hotel, she got right down to work. She checked out the local citizenry, and it wasn’t long before she realized that her best subject by far was going to be Newt Call. There were other interesting personages in Curtis Wells, like for instance, the inestimable Francis Clay Mosby, who seemed to think that he was king of Curtis Wells rather than King Josiah.
Sara puzzled about Francis Clay at length. She had heard rumors that the man planned to turn the backwater town of Curtis Wells into a new Atlanta – complete with paved streets! Sara could only hope he didn’t accomplish such a feat before she finished her research!
But Francis Clay, interesting as he was, just wasn’t a good subject for study. It was a puzzle to Sara how the man could stride regally through the Montana mud and never get a drop on him.
No, it would be better to set her sights a bit lower on Newt Call, for he seemed to be covered in mud from head to foot at all times. Yes, he would do nicely, and Sara planned to study him at great length, which wouldn’t take too long, considering the man’s height -- or lack of it.
By the time Sara arrived in Curtis Wells, Prince Austin, being a bit down on his luck, had gone to live in tent town. He drank all day, and every night he enjoyed the company of ladies of questionable virtue.
It is quite unlikely, really, that a sweet young thing like Sara would ever cross paths with someone like Prince Austin, but in fact, that is just what happened. You see, Miss Sara was a budding artist, and she planned to do some drawings of some of Curtis Wells’ citizens to use as part of her documentation for her research paper.
One day when Sara was passing through tent town with her sketchpad, she saw a curious sight. A tent flap opened and a scantily clad wench popped out – or rather was pushed out by a tall, unkempt, dark-haired man smoking a cigarette.
“Where’s my money? That’ll be two bits for the night, Austin Peale. I told you I don’t give it away.”
Austin grinned evilly and spoke around the cigarette in his teeth. “Oh, don’t you? Why, you’re not worth payin’ for. You’re just lucky I gave you a place to sleep for the night.”
The girl slapped Austin across the face. “You beast!” she shouted at him.
Still smiling, Prince Austin threw some coins into the mud at the whore’s feet and closed the tent flap, and the poor girl had to dig in the ooze for her pay. She wiped away her tears, leaving large streaks of mud across her face, then stomped away, muttering to herself about scum-sucking weasels.
The man really was a beast, and Sara decided right then and there to steer clear of Austin Peale.
But Prince Austin didn’t feel the same way about Sara. As soon as he heard there was a sweet young thing in town, he went into action. He thought he might as well try his luck at breaking the spell the evil witch Amanda had put him under, and what better way than to prey upon the newcomer? After all, he reasoned, she didn’t know him. Of course, he was thinking only of himself, the beast!
Well, one day Miss Sara was sitting on the boardwalk in front of the Ambrosia Club with pencil and paper, busily sketching away, when Austin came up behind her. She looked up as his large, dark shadow covered the page.
“What you drawin’?” he asked. And before she knew what was happening, the big man had grabbed up her sketchpad.
“That’s mine! Give it back!” she shouted, jumping to her feet.
Austin laughed and held her back with one hand while he studied her drawing. A look of disgust came over his face. “What you drawin’ Call for?” He glanced at the sleeping bounty hunter across the street. “You sweet on him?” he sneered. Then he did something truly beastly. He tossed her tablet into the muddy street.
Sara stared from Austin to her ruined work in amazement. Her blood was boiling. She was just about to lunge for his throat, when they were interrupted by Francis Clay coming out of the Ambrosia.
When Francis Clay saw Sara he smiled and rubbed his lower lip.
“Don’t even think about it, Francis,” Prince Austin growled at him.
Francis Clay decided to play Austin’s little game even though I’m sure he would have liked a chance to make time with Miss Sara. After all, if you have been following this series, you know that Francis also has to find true love or he too is doomed to remain a beast forever. But perhaps he knows his turn is coming. Maybe even in the next story. Who can say?
Anyway, Sara went on studying Newt Call, and Prince Austin went on studying her, skulking around watching her while she worked. But the more attention he paid her, the more she ignored him. Things might have continued on in this fashion indefinitely, but fortunately, that wasn’t the case. The change happened slowly, but it did happen. Let me tell you about it.
Several days later, Sara was busy collecting mud samples when she heard voices raised in an argument. Glancing up, she realized that she was directly outside the Montana Statesman. Before she could react, the door flew open, and Prince Austin strode through it. An older man followed him out.
“You’ll never amount to anything,” the older man said. “Why don’t you find yourself a nice woman and settle down?”
Prince Austin looked at him sadly. “Because, Father, what nice woman would have a beast like me?”
King Josiah watched his son stalk off down the boardwalk, then he went back inside and slammed the door.
Poor Prince Austin, thought Sara. Maybe there’s a reason he’s such a beast. Maybe no one gives him a chance.
Sara saw Austin again the next afternoon. She hid her giggles behind her hand as she saw him sneak into the alley behind Creel’s General Store, carrying a squawking chicken under each arm. She just couldn’t help herself. Taking care that Austin didn’t know he was being followed, she sneaked down the alley behind him. She peered around a corner at him as he headed towards a small shack at the edge of the woods.
Austin kicked at the door of the shack, and it was opened by a tall, skinny man. “Blackie! Queenie!” the man exclaimed as he eagerly took the hens from Austin. “Oh, thank you, Sheriff Peale! I was so worried. Where’d you find them?”
“I told you before, Unbob, I ain’t the sheriff no more.”
“But you always helped me when you was sheriff, so it seems like ya still are.”
“Whatever, Unbob, now you best be keepin’ a close eye on these two, or they’ll end up in Amanda’s stew pot.”
Unbob shuddered. “Oh, I will, Sheriff. You can count on it.”
Sara hid behind a bush as Austin stalked by her. So, Austin had a heart after all. Maybe there was more to this man than met the eye.
A few days later, Sara passed Austin as he stepped up on the boardwalk on the main street of town. He didn’t speak and, in fact, seemed quite preoccupied. She saw him scowl at Call as he glanced toward the bounty hunter’s bench. Sara continued on her way and was passing by the church when she saw a fresh bouquet of wildflowers propped against a headstone in the yard. Unless she was mistaken, Austin had just come from this direction. Curious, she approached the grave and read the inscription. Hannah Peale Call, died Dec. 5, 1878. A sister? Then, Mr. Call must have been his brother-in-law! Well, there was certainly bad blood between them now. Did it have to do with Hannah’s death? How tragic! Her heart went out to Austin. He must miss his sister very much. Maybe he missed his “brother” too.
As the week drew to an end, Sara’s research project neared its completion. But one thing bothered her very much. She was sitting in the Dove one afternoon with her chin in her hands thinking about her problem when she felt someone staring at her. Startled, she looked up into Austin’s hazel eyes. My! She hadn’t realized how handsome the man was! She shook herself. This was Austin. She had better not be thinking those things about him. After all, he was a weasel.
“A penny for your thoughts,” he said with a slight smile.
“What?”
“Something’s bothering you.”
“Oh, that. It’s nothing, really.”
Prince Austin didn’t wait for an invitation. He pulled up a chair and sat down, tossing his hat onto the table. “Why don’t you tell me about it? Maybe I can help.”
“Well, . . .” she felt silly. It really was nothing. “It’s just this paper I’m presenting. Now that it’s finished, I realize how poor it looks. I’ve hand written it.” She hesitantly handed a few pages to Austin. “I guess I’ll have to turn it in this way. I don’t know what else I can do.”
Prince Austin perused the pages thoughtfully for a time. “Hey, wait just a minute. I can help!” My father, King Josiah used to run a newspaper. The press is still in his office. I used to work there. I can print it for you if you’ll just give me a hand with the type setting. What do you say?”
Sara was stunned. It was more than she could have ever dreamed of. What a nice thing for Prince Austin to do. He really wasn’t so bad after all. She decided to give him a chance.
And do you know what? Sara saved Prince Austin. She broke the magic spell he was under, and he was no longer doomed to remain a beast forever. Hooray!
Now, I wish I could say that things went smoothly after that, but that would be stretching the truth by quite a bit. Here’s what happened.
Sara turned in the very nicest looking paper the university had ever seen, and she received her degree . . . in absentia. For, you see, Sara never went back to Virginia. She stayed in the kingdom of Curtis Wells with her prince. And they lived happily almost ever after. I say almost because after all, this is Austin we’re talking about.
The End
2/2004
